"Sun is shining, the weather is sweet.
Makes you wanna move, your dancing feet.
When the morning gathers the rainbow,
Want you to know, I'm a rainbow too."
- Sun is Shining by Bob Marley
(remixed by Funkstar Deluxe)
The past few days have been turbulent indeed. On the outside we have been visited by the tropical monsoon "Igme," and on the inside, I've been visited by familiar emotional hurricanes from the past year. Needless to say, I'm quite lucky to be alive and writing down my thoughts on virtual paper, revealing what is necessary from me as a means of affirming that I still exist.
A few days ago at the height of the heavy winds and rain, I was at the 12th floor of our building, bored to death and numb to the sprawling life (represented by the quasi-dynamism of my classmates and subjects). In several empty classrooms on that floor, I observed the buildings and people covering most of the metropolis, an ironic imagery with the "Concept of Man" collage presentation we were to have 30 minutes later. During the most dull moments in the sky, my hair blown by the wind in many different directions (as were my demons), the only lucid thought that eclipsed my mind was that of death.
Like the tragically talented Filipino-Chinese poet who lept from the FEU building, I too contemplated an easy, albeit massively deforming, jump to flight. Maningning Miclat had her boyfriend's picture clutched to her chest, I had my plastic nameplate, my virginal white uniform, and a tangled scapular in my breast pocket. All I needed was an immediate cause, a spark plug ignition, and I would have been on my way 6 feet under.
Luckily, the windows were too small for me to fit through and the floor with the open space from the hospital parking lots were in the other building, soaking in rain. Luckily my professor for the last subject at 5-7pm had discussed the topic of my weakness -- psychological development. Quite odd for a Health Care Lecture I have to say. Nevertheless, I felt alive for the succeeding 1 hour and 30 minutes that remained.
I did not go to school for the next 4 days, including yesterday, Saturday. I feared I might get the urge to fly again, and this time I would pick the spaceous platform from which to catapult myself into the next world.
My mother never noticed how I slept like a fetus those 4 days. She was too busy entertaining my cousin and his girlfriend from New York. I still love her though.
Once again I have become the eldest middle child. Once again I pissed my friends off with my whinnying. (Note: "whinnying" was used throughout Coehlo's O Alquimista national bestseller. I figured using it myself.) I love my friends, I really do, but it's difficult to give something to others when you have nothing of it yourself. It defies the Law of Conservation.
After a very long and disarming conversation with my good friend "Julian," I was able to puncture holes in the barrier of denial and realized so many things, foremost that I cannot go on existing without taking good care of my body. I have to admit I have been both excessive and frugal of my physiological attention, being dream-centered and wish-filled like a young boy in search of his Personal Legend. But I'm okay now and the emotional turmoil felt like an ablution of those barriers, those programmed responses accumulated through many years of school and work and television and movies and fatty foods. There is indeed sunshine after any rainfall, and the rainbow, in the midst of air pollution and smog, still exists even if we don't see it.
Carpathia may still be within my reach after all.
(Disclaimer: Though I have to say I appreciated reading THE ALCHEMIST at this most mordant adventure of my existence, I cannot help but DETEST the CHEEZINESS and often simplistic approach of its text. Paulo Coehlo is the Pied Piper of Brazil, able to play the flute to sway the sound of people's collective consciousness. In his book lies his very own Philosopher's Stone, able to turn a sliver of words into a golden rule, a global mantra of the races. In my opinion, he had it mixed up. The world's GREATEST TRUTHS should read: 1)... at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate; 2) ... in money there ws magic; whoever has money is never really alone. And the world's GREATEST LIE should read: ...when you really want something, the universe ALWAYS conspires in your favor.
SHepherd's dung. Just had to let you guys know before its too late and you end up endorsing this reading material to human beings with weakened emotional-intellectual constitutions.)
PS: Julian, Lance, Audiophile-Free Radical, Ms. Adducul, K_Transience, Bankero, Pokijul, Umberta, SubZero, Netskilanarch --- I appreciate everything! Ü
