Uncertainty Avoidance

On the subject of emotions, I'm at a leveled plane right now. I hope it lasts because rationality has always been one of my strengths and at the moment, I feel it's by my side again. I've quit most of the drama, unintentionally, when I wrote my Mom a letter about everything. Unwittingly, I've written certain stuff too that I've buried in the depths of my unconscious. Now revealed, I feel emancipated.

I haven't given her the letter because there were certain things I don't think she has to know anymore. The important thing is we've moved on and I do feel that she's genuinely supportive of my next endeavor yet. It may not be as certain as my previous track, in terms of travel, but there's a feeling of stability, of peace, in my new decision. Hope it works...

On the topic of avoidance, I've been avoiding a certain someone, trying to cut down on negative emotions as possible because I am extremely volatile by myself, I can't possibly fit someone else's rants and raves into my unsettled emotional satiety. I want to be a best friend, but I fear I won't be able to resume those duties when I'm not at my sanest. Anyway, that person doesn't know yet.

Executing changes is absolutely a pain in the arse.

I went to the hospital yesterday to drop all of my subjects on account of my being a changed man. I got to talk to my dear classmate Lin-Lin. (It's such a pleasure talking with her. I'll miss her the most.) She told me the registrar will not favor me a refund because it's already been a month since classes. I told her it's unfair because we started classes June 21 and I stopped going to class on the 2nd day of the 2nd week, that there must be some way to convince them that it's terribly unfair for people who pay the full amount of tuition on the day of enrollment compared to those who choose Plan B or Plan C. My Mom personally went to the hospital today to talk to the Dean and persuade her on the account of my going to the States because my aunt wishes to finance my studies there and that I would need to leave asap.

F*CK. If only THAT were true. CUNT. Excuse my language but I can't help but feel frustrated.

To make the long story short, the Dean told my Mom to tell my aunt to let me study here in Manila since many "balikbayans" from abroad study here because the tuition fee is less expensive. Ugh... the politics of protecting one's interests. I mean, it's OUR MONEY dammit!

Oh well, as they say, life goes on. You win some, you lose some.

I'm losing my head.