Forgetting by the world forgot

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot?
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned."

-- Alexander Pope, taken from its eponymn



I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on dvd yesterday. I haven't seen it and it was an attempt on my part to forget something that badly required selective amnesia.

The movie was great, the quotes were memorable, the acting superb, the shots and sequences were to die for, the music very ponderous. I'm a huge fan of Michel Gondry, the Kauffman brothers, KATE WINSLET, and Beck. Almost everything about the film was applaudable, except that I forgot I was trying to forget.

I'm in the exact same situation as Jim Carrey's character. In an emotional rut, an existential vacuum, a slow torturous decay through unreasonable longing. Although the story had a happy ending, I ended up wanting to look for mine.

And all this time, I had been drowing myself in caffeine, suffocating myself in smoke, locking myself in my room like before, mellowing out with a vast selection of CDs.

So now I'm trying to analyze -- would I have survived without my music, my smokes, my coffee, my room? Or are these the things that make me hold on, make me remember what I don't have? Do I hold on because I have these things to hold on to? Are these plain addictions or are they therapeutic means of catharses?

I took it as a sign on a Friday night, that I had to stay disconnected from everything. Two plans I had made were cancelled, I wasn't able to reply to my new friend because my mobile's dead, both our telephone lines are dead too so I couldn't connect to the internet even if I wanted to so badly.

... but when the door closes but a window opens -- I got invited to make a catalogue for a shirt store my friend owns, I received a 22-minute phone call from my a very close female friend, and I got to suggest stuff for our college group's christmas meet-up the same night.


I fell asleep at around 9:30pm listening to good chillout music.